Suffering from anxiety and having been through bouts of depression as I have, I've understandably been to see counsellors from time to time. What I've learnt from seeing them is that the best thing to do is to focus on what I can control, challenge myself from time to time and at some point I'll suddenly realise I'm much better than I was. This has been incredibly successful and I'm very grateful to them.
But last month, I had to go to a Work Capability Assessment in order to justify being on Employment and Support Allowance rather than Job Seekers Allowance, and for the last month it's made me do completely the opposite of what's actually good for me, namely focus on what I find difficult, not push myself and beat myself up for not feeling better. This is because I had to convince someone in 30 minutes of knowing them that I was actually too unhealthy to work.
A month later, I still don't know what the result of that appointment was. Better writers than I have written about how truly awful the current system is, and I will probably update this post with links. However, truly selfishly I will say this: God, this totally sucks.
What's even worse is that in the likely scenario that I'm chucked back on to Job Seekers Allowance, if I choose to fight it, I am going to have to achieve something completely contradictory: I'm going to have to summon up enough determination to appeal to prove I am not well enough to work.
That makes literally no sense in my head.